97X Announces Plans to Officially Stop Playing Any Semblance of Good Music

TAMPA, FL –

On Monday, popular Tampa Bay radio station, 97X, announced that it has officially decided to stop playing good music.

An official statement from the station, entitled “A Message to our Fans” reads:

Dear 97X fans and supporters,

As you know, we have slowly been decreasing the amount of good music we are playing on our station. Over the past 15 years, we have successfully destroyed our status as the bastion of Tampa Bay alternative rock radio, and have embraced a vague identity of “alternative”, a word that we use to mean anything from emo and jock rock to hip-hop and pop.

Once we made the decision to abandon alternative rock for modern pop culture, we implemented a plan to steadily decrease the amount of good music we were playing by an amount of 7% per year, in hopes that no one would notice the drastic and frankly unappealing change in the music we were playing.

We are proud of where we have come in the last 15 years. While we used to play consistent good music, we are now averaging 0.2 good songs per hour (GSPH), the lowest it has been in our history as a station! We are excited to announce that, in the best interests of our investors, it would be best to completely cut out any remaining good music in our playlists. Instead of hearing the nostalgic bands you used to love us for, you will now hear whatever songs we are paid the most for. Nothing more, nothing less.

We genuinely hope you will continue to listen to our overplayed, overrated songs that don’t resemble alternative rock in the least, and that we can continue to make money off of your gullibility and unwillingness to demand that we play good music.

Thanks!”

The removal of the very few remaining good songs in the 97X song database is expected to be completed by the year 2020.